I have very few regrets in my life as I believe what is meant for you won’t pass me by, but that is the exact reason I have started to re-evaluate some of my previous decisions and wonder if something has come to my attention for a reason.
So, hear me out:
Ever since I was a child I had two dreams; to be an actress or a teacher. As I got older I still wanted the same things, the acting dream just became more prominent. However at the last minute I moved acting to the bottom of my course choices on my CAO.
I was 16 years old filling out my CAO form and it was a lot of pressure on my shoulders to try and decide what I wanted to do for ‘the rest of my life’ or decide ‘what I wanted to be when I grew up.’ I didn’t feel ready for the decision. I had originally planned on repeating my Leaving Cert due to an accident the year before which resulted in weeks off school. Yet when we were presented with our examination numbers I remember the sheer panic and fear ‘I couldn’t do this again.’ And most of my teachers agreed I had the determination to do well despite the circumstances.
So I sat my Leaving Cert, and I did quite well second or third highest in my year. But I couldn’t wait to get home and cry. I didn’t get the points or the grade in Irish I needed for primary teaching. I went in and viewed my scripts the following week and there were two papers I should have had rechecked. But I had been offered a college place, and I would have to wait a whole year to reapply.
So I didn’t bother and went right ahead and accepted my place in Journalism in DCU. Don’t get me wrong I don’t regret my time in DCU for one minute, I met some amazing people, made some fantastic memories, got my first sense of freedom and had my fair share of struggles too.
But I didn’t like my course from the first week I knew I had made a mistake but my pride stopped me from admitting it. And besides I fell in love with the college radio station DCUfm so I was happy.
Until I realised that maybe I am not the right kind of person to make it in the world of journalism. Add in moving out of home, working freelance and the worry of rent and bills and I threw in the towel. At this point my health problems were starting to really accelerate also.
So I left, since I have worked in a number of dead end admin 9-5 jobs and am so so unhappy. I had a brief job in a HR admin role which I enjoyed. So I did what any young millennial who feels a bit lost does, I returned to education. I am currently in the process of completing a post grad in Advertising and Digital Communications, but I think I might have made a mistake because I don’t feel creative enough.
Which brings me to my current situation. I turned to my sister yesterday morning and told her how unhappy I was and how my biggest regret was not repeating my Leaving Cert to get into primary teaching. (In hindsight I made the right choice as my health problems started coming into play halfway through my first year of college so I would have been in no fit state to repeat my Leaving Cert.) My sister told me it wasn’t too late that she knows people my age and older studying to be primary teachers now.
I had looked into it before applying for my post grad in advertising, but thought I would have to do 3-4 more years as an undergraduate and knew I couldn’t afford it. That is until someone in work mentioned yesterday how her daughter had gone back and done a full time post grad in Primary teacher and now 10 years on was a primary school teacher completely happy with her decision.
So it got me thinking, so yesterday I looked into it and I have the requirements to apply for the Post Graduate in Education. I want it so bad and I wonder is that why I keep hopping and changing my mind about the kind of career I want. Feeling like I have no idea what I want to do because I felt like I missed my chance.
I haven’t made a decision whether to apply next year or not. As it is a lot of money, I would have to move back home and I would lose some of my freedom plus I am still trying to get my health under control. But I am now viewing it as an option.
So to anyone awaiting Leaving Cert results and finalising their CAO form, go after what you want and please don’t settle for less than what you want for yourself because you won’t be happy if you do.
For anyone who can relate to my situation have you ever had a cross roads like this, what decision did you make? I could really use some guidance.