How to keep your Relationship Alive -Especially When you have a Chronic Illness

I am not a relationship expert nor will I ever be. I am in a happy long term relationship with my fantastic boyfriend, but that does not mean we don’t have our ups and downs. Sometimes it makes things harder because I am sick, I feel guilty because of my illness and he doesn’t like to upset me or see me cry.


So these are the things I think have gotten us through our darkest times. Every relationships requires work and relationship staples don’t change just because one of you is sick!

Some of these are so simple and you will think duh Nicole but you would be surprised how many healthy individuals forget these things in their day to day relationships (Yes I am an offender)

Communication

You need to communicate. Tell them when you are happy, upset, angry and down. You should be able to explain your feelings to this person. You should be able to tell them when you are happy, when they have upset you or when you just need a little extra support and some cuddles.

Communicating isn’t always easy but men nor women are mind readers.I realised this when I felt like my relationship was on the rocks but my boyfriend thought we were fine, because I didn’t voice what was upsetting me or my concerns.

Consideration

You need to consider the other person, yes you may be in pain, scared and angry but the chances are they are too. I am terrified of my seizures and sometimes all I want to just throw in the towel and that hurts my boyfriend more than anything in the world.


But I never stop to think about the fact that I am not the only one in pain in hurting or how scared I make him. Make sure that are looking after themselves and that you are looking after you! It can be so infuriating when you are unwell and your partner has to standby and watch you in pain when you are doing nothing to help yourself. Like I am a devil for not getting asleep or not eating enough.

Equally make sure they are having downtime, are getting enough rest if they have a cold etc.

Time alone Together

I am a big believer in making time for each other, even if it just something like a date night to the cinema once a month or a cheap night away in the local hotel. Sometimes you just need time alone away from distractions.

It might just involve switching off your phone and watching a movie together, sometimes you just need to be in the moment with one another.

Suprise Each Other

This does not need to be expensive or over the top. It just needs to be thoughtful.

It could be a letter with doodles and corny jokes when your other half is having a bad day, it could be a bunch of Tesco flowers or buying a tub of your partners favourite ice cream. Just let them know you are thinking.

It could be a sexy surprise too (yet here me 😉) but it doesn’t need to be.

Be Intimate With Each Other
This could be staying up late talking, a kiss on the forehead, a cuddle. Open up to each other don’t feel like you need to hide yourself away. Tell them your fears, your hopes, your dreams.

Cook them a nice dinner, buy a new outfit that you think they would like you in, Jesus like ask them about their day.

Say I Love You

This sounds pretty obvious doesn’t it? But you would be surprised how many couples don’t utter these words very often. I think you should say them at least once a day. Each morning or every night before you go asleep.
Most importantly as a wise friend once told me; sometimes you need to take it all one moment at a time. And just enjoy each small enjoyable moment, don’t think to far ahead and just enjoy it. 😊
Anything worth having, is worth fighting for. Sometimes you will need to fight harder than other couples but if it’s meant to be you will figure it out!
Nicole x 💃🏻

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