Three Steps Forward, Two steps back – Learning to balance

For the last 7 years I have faced one knock after another. It has been like taking 3 steps forward but two steps back. And it is very easy for someone to say things will get better, and then someone else says that you shouldn’t wish your life away. But the truth is I am constantly living for tomorrows, cause surely tomorrow will be better right?

Wrong! That is never guaranteed.

I have always been the optimistic, enthusiastic friend. So what am I if I no longer have the energy or the mind-set to be that person?Image result for i am not sure who I am anymore gifs

I was put on Keppra for epilepsy despite voicing my problems with depression and my mood. However I finally reached a dose of 750mg twice a day and while my mood was worse and I was snappier the seizures were lessening. And everywhere I looked online suggested my mood might just balance out so I hung to that hope while I returned to my GP.


He prescribed a really low dose of an anti depressant. And I thought ‘this is it, it will get better from here.’ How wrong was I? I soon developed a slight rash and airing on the side of caution I got in contact with my epilepsy nurse who consulted my consultant. I was advised to stop the antidepressant and to start reducing my Keppra.


And just like that that little glimmer of hope I had was ripped away. And the seizures started getting worse again.Image result for You took it away from me gif gifs

And do you know what? I don’t want to live for tomorrows anymore. I want to live for todays, for me.


So I am going to take a very good friends advice and just live ‘in this moment’ and do you know what this is a good moment because I can think clearly about where I need to go from here and I have just been offered an amazing opportunity mental and physical health related that will involve blogging and I can’t wait to tell you all about it.

In the mean time In am going to concentrate on me, things and people that make me happy. I am going to schedule my time efficiently so that I don’t have time to feel sorry for myself. And I am going to stop caring what people think when I am sick, seizury or down I like to go home to my family, and so what if some weeks I am in my mams 5/7 days in a week, it does not impact anyone else. I am sick of feeling like a failure because I am not capable of all the things I once was. The only person’s opinion of me that matters is mine. And that is going to be a good opinion from now on.

I know there are people out there worse off than me , but that does not make this process any easier. Does anyone else have an illness that gets them really down sometimes? What do you do to cheer yourself up?

Well in case you need some ideas for how deal with a bad day keep on reading below.

  1. Meet up with Friends

When I feel down I choose to surround myself with people. It distracts me and helps ease the lonely upset feeling as the lump begins to form in my throat that just makes me want to cry.

But make sure to surround yourself with real friends not just ‘good time friends’ It is a good idea to set up something regular like a Tuesday night movie night. It will help distract you and gives you something to look forward too. Sometimes you just need to physically that there are people there who care about you.

2.  Call or Skype a friend

Sometimes you can’t physically meet up with someone, but that doesn’t mean you can’t just ring a friend you haven’t seen in a while and catch up. Or if you have friends that are not living close by anymore why not Skype them. Sometimes it helps to hear a familiar voice or see a familiar face.

You can catch up, gossip and make lose plans for next time their home or maybe you could discuss a trip to see them. It will make you feel better and again planning a trip is a great distraction and will give you something to look forward to which will help you focus.

3. Bake

Bake something. I don’t know about you but I like to keep busy when I am having a down day so I don’t wallow in self pity, which would make me more upset and stressed out. Baking is something you need to focus on and then there is the clean up (yuck) but you get some indulgent food at the end and that makes it all worth while.

4.  Try something New

Go to a yoga class or zumba. Do something out of your comfort zone because the satisfaction of achieving something new while you are at your lowest sometimes makes the down day feel not so bad.

5.  Buy/ Download a new book

Distract yourself with a good book, let yourself get caught up in someone else’s life. You don’t have time to wallow in your own problems or misery when you are trying to figure out who killed Rose’s Mom now can you.Image result for reading gifs gifs

6. Start Journaling

Start keeping a journal or if you have a journal write everything that is upsetting you down than put it away. The best advice I could give is don’t journal to revisit your problems another day. Journal to get you problems down on paper and then just move on. It’s out there it done. Your pity party is over, pick yourself up dust yourself off and try and get on with it.

Sometimes this is easier than taking about your problems. I find talking about things that upset me make me more upset, confused and stressed out because they remain at the front of their mind. You also don’t have to worry about saying something in appropriate that could start a fight because no one is going to see it except you.

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7.  Put on a timeless TV Show or something Funny

Like FRIENDS, How I Met Your Mother or anything funny really. And just laugh until you cry. Because its better to cry from happiness right? And laughing burns more calories than crying (at least that is a rumour I have heard 😉 )

8.  Have a warm shower Image result for emma stone singing in the shower gifs

Have a warm shower, with your nicest shower gets and shampoos, pop on your favourite album and Sing at the top of your lungs. Own that shower head girl! 🙂

9. Start a new project

Start a new project, write that novel you always said you would write, start a blog 😉 take up knitting and plan to knit someone a scarf! It’s all about focusing your energy.

10. Go for a walk

Make it a stroll if you want, clear your head. Try and find the beautiful things in the world. Someone helping a woman cross the street, the colour of the flowers you pass or the trickling of a stream. (there is one near my house I love) Take pictures if you want, print them and stick them up in your room to remind you of the colours and beauty in the world when you feel like you are alone in darkness.


Image result for crying in bed gifsLook I know sometimes you things are going to feel so bad you will just want to create yourself a cocoon and never leave the comfort of your tear stained sheets. Or will just want to sit in front of the TV eating pizza and that’s okay too. I get it. You don’t have to fight through your illness and depression with a smile and come out the other side having started a new business. You don’t have to be an idol or be inspiring. You only need to inspire and love yourself. So sometimes you just need self love days.

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Everyone is different and everyone copes and deals with things differently.

I am on a hunt to find the old, optimistic Nicole and I am in talks about an opportunity that I hope is going to help me do that.

I am going to get the old me back and do you know what she is going to kick ass. This blog is going to be something I am going to put a lot of my energy into, maybe some vlogs too.


So stay tuned to find out more.



Nicole 🙂


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2 thoughts on “Three Steps Forward, Two steps back – Learning to balance

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