Well as you have probably gathered by now I am a girl with many layers, many problems and many ideas. And if you remember my last blog Finding Self-Worth I have a tendency to let people treat me badly. But this is my blog which is about my life and I want to discuss real issues I face that others might also encounter.
I want people to build each other up not tear each other down.
But my problem has always been that I am too ‘nice’ I guess. I don’t like to hurt people, conflict terrifies me, well did, (still does) but everyone has a threshold of how much bullshit they are willing to take and I guess I have reached mine.
Just this week I stood up for myself, it is not easy believe me and am so thankful
my boyfriend and my family are being so supportive of my decision. I have been bullied for months by a small group of people and this week they tried to make a decision for me that wasn’t theirs to make. And I did not stand down, I pushed back despite them trying to guilt me. And do you know what I learned people don’t like it when you take back the control that you let them have over you.
I also learned that bullies are cowards they won’t always face you alone and will usually have at least one other person to back them up. Unfortunately I also found out sometimes bullies win and you just have to accept that, be the bigger person and move on.
Putting yourself first is so important and I hate that it is associated with being Selfish. Like the saying goes; ‘ If you do not love yourself, You cannot love anyone else either.’
So lets kick off those tips to help you put yourself first`;
- No: Learn To Say It
I never say no to anything ever, part of me doesn’t want to hurt people’s feelings another part of me is afraid if I say No once I won’t be asked again. But that leads to me taking on more than I can handle and then making myself sick.
So learn to say No take on more than you can handle. This also counts for when someone is trying to push you into something you don’t want to do. Whether it be a holiday or a drink if you don’t want to do it say No don’t feel like you are obliged to always say yes.
2. Schedule in YOU Time
This is so important. I never took time for this until recently hence why I am not comfortable being alone or just in my own company, I constantly need to be around people to feel happy well I used too. I am getting better.
You time is important, it helps us figure out what kind of people we are. What we like, what we dislike and it helps us relax. It doesn’t matter if your boyfriend doesn’t like this movie, this is your YOU time this is all about You and what YOU want.
If you want to write a book, read a book, write a song do it. This is YOU time.
3. Change Your Language
Don’t use the word ‘should’ change this word to ‘I would like to’ or ‘I could’, because ‘should’ makes it less about you, limits your choices. Whereas the other two phrases implies it is your decision and that you don’t have to, you are not obliged too. It creates the sense that you made the decision and that will make the whole experience a more positive and fulfilling one for you.
‘Are you going to Becky’s birthday? Well I should go’ Stop next time you give a reply like ‘I should’ and ask yourself is it something you want to do, will it give you the opportunity to spend time with people you want too. Will it make you happy?
We all have things we should do, but some are things we could do. That is when the choice is yours.
4. Pay Attention to What You Eat
Because believe it or not the phrase ‘You are what you eat.’ has some truth to it. The more colourful the food and the more natural it is the better effect it has on your mood. ( I attached a link to a website explaining the theory behind this but my therapist is the one who mentioned it to me.)
What we put into our body and how we treat our bodies has more of an effect on us than we realise.
5. Start a Journal
Journaling is so good for you I have mentioned it in previous post and it is something I have failed to keep going these past few weeks but after the fresh hell this week has brought, now is probably as good a time as any to get back on top of that.
Because while some people keep Journal’s or Diaries and read back over them, they are really good to get everything out on paper and leave it there and can help you with getting over issues and bad days.
6. Stay Away From Negative People
This is so important negative people can be so draining, everyone gets to have a bitch and a moan but if you surround yourself with negative people soon you start seeing the world negatively.
I have been a negative person at times especially when my depression has been particularly bad but I fight so hard not to let the negativity consume me. But if you surround yourself with negative people when you are struggling it is harder to fight off that negativity.
7. Stand up for yourself
Stand up for yourself whether it is saying No like I mentioned earlier in this post or not letting someone put you down do it. You are worth fighting for, No one deserves to rip you to shreds or make you feel like a horrible person.
So fight back (don’t be violent) if someone accuses you of something you didn’t do, be firm about the fact you didn’t do it. And don’t let them belittle you.
There are many ways you can do this without being violent, just remember these little tips;
- Be confident, being confident means feeling sure about yourself and your skills and in not letting others tell you what you can do.
- Practice- The more you stand up for yourself the easier it will be
- Try and be as calm and reasonable as you can- that is sometimes easier said than done. But I promise the calmer and more reasonable you are the more you will be taking seriously.
- Be polite but firm – don’t stoop to anyone else’s level of being threatening or bringing two wingmen to help fight there battles. You are better than that.
- Don’t Get Angry – Okay this one is easier said than done but when you are angry you don’t thing logically or rationally so try and keep your head.
I was forced into a situation this week that I am not happy about, but do you know what I stood up for myself, so despite the fact the bullies got what they wanted. I won! I didn’t sink to their level, they don’t intimidate me and most importantly I stood up for me and they can never take that away from me. That is my victory! 🙂
I have such a strong Support Network around me, people are always going to have my back and despite the fact they got what they wanted, I know I will get what I want too- I just need to take the scenic route.
P.S Stay tuned to My Social Media this today as I have an announcement to make.